Bob Bradley, Tim Howard talk U.S.-Mexico on Monday

Bradley at a previous media conference

U.S. manager Bob Bradley and goalkeeper Tim Howard did the media conference thing from Miami on Monday afternoon. They are in the city of the pink flamingo to train two days before a quick-turn trip into Mexico City of a little match you may have heard something about.

The second half of final-stage CONCACAF qualifying begins in the soup of a Mexico City afternoon. Kickoff is set for the odd-duck time of 3 p.m. CT. Mexico is desperate for a win. The United States is in a good spot, with more wiggle room and a more important game coming up Sept. 5 in Salt Lake City — that one, the Americans must win. This one?  They’ll want to win Wednesday, but they’ll surely be happy with a draw.  Delirious even, perhaps.

Fourteen players trained Monday in Miami. Michael Bradley, Jozy Altidore, Benny Feilhaver, Brian Ching, Ricardo Clark and Stuart Holden were set to arrive Monday and get in one day of team practice on Tuesday.

Here are the highlights of what the boss and his big goalkeeper had to say during Monday’s national media teleconference:

Bradley talked about the altitude, and the decision to make this a quick in-and-out trip. The Americans will train Tuesday in Miami, fly into Mexico in the evening and won’t train there, as is customary. After Wednesday’s afternoon contest, the U.S. contingent will leave immediately, scattering to places around North America and Europe.

Bradley said they have consulted with officials from the U.S. Olympic Committee who have done extensive research on altitude training. Bradley, who will make his first trip as a head coach into Mexico City, also consulted the former manager Bruce Arena and team trainers who have made the trip before.  He says that research suggests that “if you don’t have enough time to acclimatize, which takes 10 days or so, then going in late is your best bet.”

As for the soccer part, here’s what Bradley says is most important when it comes to playing at altitude: “It’s important as a team to stay together. You don’t want a game that gets stretched all over the place. It’s Important to have good solid base of organization and to play from that.”

Tim Howard commented on whether the extra little motivational factorse weigh in at all (factors like Andres Guardado’s comments that Mexico would win, 3-0, or whether it would be sweet to seriously damage Mexico’s chances). His answer tipped the Americans’ professional, steady approach that’s been typical under Bradley:  “I keep saying it because it’s true: Who gets to the World Cup out of CONCACAF is no concern of ours as long as we’re one of teams. That’s the most important thing to us. Those other factors I suppose are nice to read and write about, but it’s not any extra motivation for us in any way shape or form”

Bradley and Howard were asked if Wednesday’s match would eventually affect matters when FIFA determines seeds for next year’s World Cup? In short, Mexico has been ranked ahead of the United States in the past, which has always translated into a tougher group for the Americans.

I’ll handle this one.

No. Head to head isn’t part of the FIFA equation — as far as anyone knows. The truth is, FIFA pretty much decides what it wants in terms of World Cup seedings, then works backward to determine the “criteria” to get there.  And generally speaking, past World Cup performance is weighed more heavily than anything else.

Howard politely waved off any suggestions that the 5-0 loss to Mexico in the Gold Cup final has anything to do with Wednesday’s approach or the mindset of the American team.  “The 90 minutes we have to play on Wednesday is our total focus right now.”

Howard was also asked if the thin air of Mexico City did anything to change his mechanics in goal. Reducing his answer to one word, Howard said, nah.

Bradley was asked about the Mexican team changes lately, and how the recent flux makes it tough to assess the opposition lineup and tactics and such:  “We have a pretty god idea of certain guys being on the field. We see some similarities in even when they change players in terms of things they like to do. As far as pinpointing the starting 11, that is not so easy at this time.”

Finally, Bradley on whether this is the best U.S. chance ever for a victory at Azteca? (The Americans are 0-18-1 in Mexico City and 0-22-1 overall in Mexico.)

“I haven’t thought about the best chance. I’ve talked to so many of our players who have been a part of past games there, talked about the challenges, talked about games, and we try to learn from all that. … When you put it all together, we’re excited. I  guess in a way it’s a compliment to the growth of our team, and to things happening in U.S. Soccer that this might be our best chance, and we hope to take advantage of it.”

Domestic weekend wrap: Real Madrid’s win, MLS high points and more

• In Major League Soccer, Conor Casey and Omar Cummings had fantastic nights in the 4-0 win over fading Chivas USA.  But you can see that from reading the box scores. What you won’t see is that Columbus Crew center back Chad Marshall and Real Salt Lake center back Jamison Olave had big nights, too, cops on the beat along their back lines. Marshall looks to be brimming with confidence at the moment, coming off a string of heady nights in the Gold Cup, which were rewarded with a call-up by Bob Bradley for this week’s match at Azteca.

Ronaldo didn't do much, but he did play Sunday in Washington, D.C.

• This was the reporting gem of the weekend, from the game’s best domestic reporter, Steven Goff of the Washington Post: “No matter how hot it gets, Cristiano Ronaldo and Kaka are contractually obligated to play at least 45 minutes, game organizers said.” I find that fascinating.

• San Jose Earthquakes boss Frank Yallop may have just moved forward on the list I posted last week of managers in employment distress. I know it’s killing the man … and I know he’s doing all he can. He’ll be back in MLS, I believe. But I just don’t see how it can keep going like this at Buck Shaw, where they were beaten soundly by visiting Columbus. (And the Crew is still without two of its best three players, reigning league MVP Guillermo Barros Schelotto and ageless U.S. international Frankie Hejduk.

• If you’re counting, RSL coach Jason Kreis has now missed six games due to disciplinary foibles. He watched Saturday’s contest at home against Seattle from a radio booth.

• Just 60 seconds into Real Madrid’s friendly outside Washington, D.C.  United midfielder Fred ran over Real left back Royston Drenthe.  Referee Baldomero Toledo waved play on, of course.  And I’m thinking, “It took just 60 seconds to show the world how inept U.S. refereeing can be.” By the way, after Drenthe popped up and gave Toledo the classic “WTF?” shoulder shrug, the Madrid man ran back and clobbered Fred as the United midfielder touched the ball.  And with that, Drenthe demonstrated the jeopardy of poor match management: that players take justice into their own hands.

• Hasn’t it been nice watching goalkeepers from these classy sides such as Real Madrid and Barcelona distribute to defenders, instead of the crap-shoot that is the big thumping punt up field? Then again, the defenders and midfielders on the end of said throws and rolls from goalkeepers are a little better on the ball than their hard-trying MLS counterparts.

• Oddest site of the MLS weekend was watching San Jose goalkeeper Joe Cannon take his sweet time early in the second half of a then-scoreless contest against Columbus. San Jose is desperate for points, right? And playing in the Bay Area, right? So, uh, what gives?

• Landon Donovan’s seeing-eyed first-time volley against New England was the goal of the weekend. “Landon’s score was probably the goal of the season,’’ Revolution assistant coach Paul Mariner said. “You’ve got to applaud him. Reis had no chance.’’ It wasn’t … the goal of the season, that is.  But it was a pretty damn sweet shot.

• The U.S. players bound for Mexico should all be in Miami by tomorrow morning (where the Yanks are gathering initially). They’ll train there before heading south of the border Tuesday.  U.S. manager Bob Bradley will have a national media teleconference Monday that I’ll be in on.

• Something is going sideways in Houston Dynamo-land. Last week the Orange nearly blew a four-goal lead. At home. Imagine that.  Sunday, in the MLS Round 21 finale, the Dynamo got bailed by a soft penalty kick, as Stuart Holden converted an 83rd minute spot shot earned by Corey Ashe.  Still, the Dynamo blew a two-goal lead at the break in this one, as Chicago scored twice right after intermission.  Obviously, there are lots of things at work when something stunning like this happens. But one of the issues is simply down to Julius James, who is now starting in the middle alongside Bobby Boswell at center back.  James just isn’t doing very well right now, and Kinnear needs Geoff Cameron — who has started out wide in midfield the last two times out at Robertson — back alongside Boswell.

• More on Round 21 of MLS here, on my weekly roundup of tactics and trends.

• Finally, you don’t look so well.  Be sure to start coughing and sniffling a bit tomorrow at the office, setting up that moment Wednesday when you announce that you just can’t get it done today, and you’ve got to go home and get some rest. Probably just before 3 p.m. CT … if you know what I’m sayin’.

Your pal Steve is looking out for you.

Know why Juan Carlos Osorio is still around? Please step forward

I have questions about our world.

There may be someone in our blessed universe who can tell me why, oh, why Juan Carlos Osorio remains today under the employment of Red Bull New York. If that person does exist, well, I need an audience with them, because I’ve got questions in life that need answers.

There are things I simply must know.

Is time travel really possible? Is there ever a day when mattresses aren’t on sale? What was the point of the polar bear on Lost? Who ever thought fanny packs were a good idea? Fanny packs! Seriously?

All of this is to say, I just don’t get it with Osorio. I never did.  I always contended that his mad scientist tinkering would never work.  I had to temporarily check my doubt when the Red Bulls, in yet another mystery of the ages, someone found their way into last year’s MLS Cup final. We suspected then and we know now that appearance was more of an aberration than that one day Simon Cowell managed not to be a jerk.

This team is stampeding toward historical MLS depths. Osorio’s team could well challenge the pitiful 2001 Tampa Bay Mutiny for worst winning percentage ever. In its final year as a franchise, the sad Mutiny posted a .185 mark from a 4-21-2 record.

The Red Bull’s current 2-15-4 record (.190) is just slightly above the Mutiny Line — which we may need to rename the Red Bull Line, depending on where Osorio and his men ultimately land in 2009.

After the 2001 Mutiny, the 1999 MetroStars and Chivas USA’s 2005 expansion side both finished with a .219 mark. So, this year’s Red Bull side seems destined, at least, to be the second-worst team ever statistically. How’s that as big ol’ buzz kill heading into the grand opening of a splashy new stadium in 2010?

The Red Bulls are on pace to finish with 23 goals, which would establish a new low-water mark for scoring in MLS.  Toronto’s terrible 2007 side  — built and managed by a former Red Bulls coach, Mo Johnston — team netted just 25.

Other notorious marks are in danger, too.  But you get the point.  The team is awful by any measure.  I suppose I could accept the fact that Osorio was being retained for the time being because it was the best chance  — well, the ONLY chance — at CONCACAF Champions League success. And progress in the Champions League, meager as it would be, was the club’s only chance at any degree of achievement in 2009.  I might not agree with that strategy, but I could see the logic, at least.

But after the embarrassing Champions League loss to W Connection this week — which meant Champions League elimination at the very first opportunity — there can be no reason for Osorio to be around.  They should have taken his swipe card for Giants Stadium entry right there in the locker room that very night, thanked him for his best efforts to put the broken beast back together and moved on.

I’ve said before that I like Osorio personally. I believe he’s a real gentleman. I just don’t think his methods work in MLS. Constantly shuffling players in and out of the lineup, moving them around between positions, never retaining a set system.  Maybe it works in other leagues — I can’t really say.  But it doesn’t work here.

I think in a lot of ways, he just doesn’t  get it. Listen to what he said after the loss to W Connection:  “I’m not going to criticize any of my players,” he said. “They know [how I feel]. I’m going to question some of their character and sense of urgency.”

Wow. Clearly they don’t believe in the club, the coach or the system. That’s not their fault. It’s his fault. He picked the players. He wrote their names into the starting lineup. He created an atmosphere where players couldn’t possibly believe in the system — because there really wasn’t one.  He created such a cloud of confusion that only the most seasoned, confident veteran could approach a match with the requisite confidence and sense of collective belief that’s essential for success in professional sports.

A Red Bull veteran told me not long ago that he was OK with the Osorio approach because, as he said, “I’ve been around long enough, and I’ve seen it all.”  But he questioned how it would affect younger players.

Well, question no more. All the evidence anyone could possible need is in.

Say it slowly: It. Doesn’t. Work.

All we’re left with now is watching the completion of the train wreck, monitoring for league low-water marks and wondering, for the love of all that’s good, what Red Bull upper management can possible be waiting for.

This guy will be back in MLS sooner or later

Colin Clarke leads the giant killers

I wonder what, exactly Colin Clarke must do get another shot in Major League Soccer?

Clarke is the head coach for the Puerto Rico Islanders of USL-1 and also presides over the Puerto Rican national football.

But it’s his body of work with the giant killers of Puerto Rico that really is something else – and that will get him back to MLS sooner or later.

The Islanders were hardly a fashionable pick in last year’s CONCACAF Champions League. But Clarke got the Islanders into the tournament semifinals, further than any MLS side. (And did it with a roster of players most MLS clubs wouldn’t want, no less.)

Puerto Rico lost to Mexico’s Cruz Azul in the semis last year.

And now the hard-trying little team is at it again. Wednesday, Puerto Rico went into Toronto and blanked the Reds, 1-0. They’ll have a big advantage when they get the MLS side back at their little converted baseball ground, the 12,500-seat Juan Ramón Loubriel Stadium.

TFC could certainly pull off the upset; Chris Cummins’ team did, after all, manage a big road win over Montreal to take the Canada Cup crown and earn that Champions League spot. Still, the Islanders are playing well at the moment, having posted six consecutive clean sheets, leaving Toronto with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.

Clarke was a good manager at FC Dallas, posting a 41-39-20 mark. He was released after the 2006 season following consecutive first-round playoff upsets.

FC Dallas is 25-31-22 since.

Clarke certainly wasn’t perfect during his time in Dallas. His record is better than the club’s mark since, but not remarkably so.

But I believe Clarke probably learned a lot from his successes and failures in his first head coaching job of a major club.  He was just 40, after all, when he took over in Dallas.

I always found his teams to be well-prepared. I think the problems of those teams that lost in the playoffs to less talented sides in 2005 and 2006 had more to do with bad chemistry and bad actors in the locker room.

I bet Clarke won’t make that mistake again, and that he’ll work harder on the front end to get the locker room mix just so.

With three MLS clubs coming on line in the next two years (Philly already has its manager in Peter Nowak), I’m thinking that the man who once scored for Northern Ireland in the World Cup will be back in MLS by the 2011 season.

A little inside poop from your intrepid journalist pal, Steve

Seattle's Freddie Ljungberg

MLS guidelines permit journalists to ask referees questions regarding controversial calls. In our business, we call that “damn good access.”

So, why so few take advantage of the opportunity is beyond me.

There is a bit of a cumbersome process for doing so, but it is a useful service that’s available nonetheless. It is openness and transparency for which MLS should be commende, and it most certainly should be exploited.

Journalists must pool their crunch their query down to two questions submitted by a designated representative (chosen by the media). That person writes the questions and submits and then works through game management officials, who deliver it and ensure the referee’s prompt attention.

Then, the designated journalist – a “pool” reporter in the media parlance – has the option of submitting one follow-up question based on the answer provided.

So, let’s take a hypothetical situation:  Let’s say a referee appears to rashly eject one of the league’s most influential and popular players. Let’s further say it’s an attacker who gets kicked as much as anyone in the league. And, uh, let’s say this highly paid attacker gets tossed for something the ESPN cameras somehow didn’t catch. Why, in the name of Walter Cronkite, you wouldn’t keep one camera trained on a player who has just been awarded a dubious yellow card and is clearly so angry that his head may just spontaneously combust, I couldn’t say.

Ok, so maybe you saw the little set-to with Freddie Ljungberg on Saturday at Qwest Field. Ljungberg, dribbling at speed, pushed a ball into the penalty area and fell as Chicago Fire defender C.J. Brown turned his back and appeared to impede the Sounders’ attacker. Referee Baldomero Toledo blew his whistle and immediately booked the Sounders’ DP for an alleged diving.

It was harsh, to say the least. Not surprising, considering the poor officiating we see every week in MLS, which U.S. Soccer just can’t seem to sort out.

It was a terribly silly decision to caution Ljungberg, who was outside the penalty area when he fell. If Toledo didn’t want to whistle the foul, so be it. Chicago had managed the clearance, and “play on” was clearly the prudent thing to do.

Well, to hell with prudence. Toledo made a show of cautioning Ljungberg, who then blew his Swedish stack, did something else to hack off the man in the middle. So, off he went. Take that, Ljungberg!

I am by no means suggesting that Ljungberg, or anyone else for that matter, deserves special treatment. But some benefit of the doubt is perhaps in order. Ljungberg may fall a little too easily at times. But generally speaking that man gets kicked, pushed, pulled, tugged and hacked pretty good every night out. I wrote about it earlier this year. See item No. 2 on this ESPNSoccernet piece.

You may tell me that reputation shouldn’t be part of the officiating equation. But I’ll tell you that common sense and benefit of doubt absolutely should be. Ljungberg gets fouled a lot, so he deserves some benefit of the doubt.

Frankly, if Ljungberg were to announce that he’s leaving MLS because he’s fed up with the crappy MLS officiating, which too frequently punishes skillful players and rewards the thugs, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. On the other side of it, Brown is a physical defender whose fading footwork leaves him no choice but to depend on size and muscle. As for challenging Ljungberg, Brown couldn’t win a footrace between the pair if the Swede was dragging the decaying corpse of Ingmar Bergman himself. So, again, there was context in the sequence to consider.

But why would Toledo know any of that? He’s been a referee in the league only since 2004.

Bottom line, a little discretion and common sense goes a long way.

Now, back to the original point.

Never miss the chance to ask a question

Journalists had the option of querying Toledo on the incident. Was it something he said or was it Ljungberg’s lack or respect through his actions? Did he say something to Toledo or was it directed toward another player? What was said, exactly?

Did the journalist dig into the matter by taking advantage of this nifty access? Nope.

Why? Dunno. Go ask them

My guess is that nobody inside the Qwest Stadium press box even thought of it. That’s epidemic inside MLS press boxes, where most journalist simply don’t know that this option exists.

Why? Dunno.

Maybe we soccer writers get overly caught up in tactics, formations, the usefulness of certain substitutions, game grades, etc., that we sometimes forget about old-school reporter skills, like looking up records and mileposts, and rounding out the reporting by asking questions about anything and everything.

Or maybe this is just where pro soccer meets journalism in this country. After all, it’s a sport that is largely covered by semi-pro internet reporters, inexperienced newspaper reporters – newspapers generally assign soccer to younger reporters – and by TV people who are just at the stadium to gather up the post-game sound bytes. There are a few Bob Woodward-esque soccer reporters around, but not many.

Too bad, too. I’d sure like to know what Toledo had to say about it all.

Last David Beckham post for a while. Promise.

Somebody run down the vintage T-shirt place and pick up one of these puppies for Beckham ... and hurry!

How about that Don Garber? The MLS commish has some big ones, eh?

We’re talking about David Beckham’s fine. “One large,” they might say down at the local betting shop.

Garber and MLS fined Beckham $1,000 Friday for general douchebaggery, even if that’s not what they called it. Officially speaking, MLS fined soccer’s prettiest midfielder “for his interaction with a fan at halftime” of Sunday’s 2-2 draw with AC Milan.

“We support our players interacting with fans, whether it is at clinics, charity events or by high-fiving their supporters in the stands while celebrating a goal,” Garber said. “However, our players should never engage in conduct that can be interpreted as encouraging fans to come out of the stands and onto the field, regardless of the reason.”

If you extract the first letter of every sentence in Garber’s cleverly worded volley you will of course notice that it spells “nitwit.”

OK, not really.

Obviously, $1,000 is spare change for a man who rakes in more than $40 million a year now in total earnings. Look at it another way: for the working man who takes home $50,000, that’s a fine of $1.25.

So, the fine wasn’t about making Beckham hurt in the pocketbook. This was Garber putting Beckham and his handlers over his knee for a wee little spanking, taking the Becks bandwagon down a peg.

Beckham challenging the fans as he did represents the height of self-importance and entitlement. As I’ve said before, he can’t have his cake and eat it, too. He can’t go gallivanting off to Milan, leaving his MLS team high and dry and minus the services of the source of so much salary cap distress and then expect to come home and be the same beloved figure. This was a man who has everything in life, money, power, uncanny athletic ability, looks, global adoration … then getting pissed off that a few people don’t seem to recognize that he’s absolutely infallible and must always, always be loved.

If he does it, well, then it simply must be seen as the right thing to do!

Look, I don’t actually think he’s a bad soul. But he’s lost his way on this one.

This was like a married man staying out all night, doing Lord knows what with Heaven knows who, then stumbling home for breakfast smelling of guilt and cheap perfume and expecting wifey to welcome him home with a big ol’ hug.

Besides, it was just such a thick-headed thing to do. All he needed to was keep his head down, put the “hum” in the humble for a bit, take his flak like a man and soon enough – probably after a couple of good, honest, sweat- and grass-stained nights on the field – the fans would be in a more forgiving mood.

Ya know, just send flowers. She won’t forget, but she’ll appreciate that you’re trying.

Then Beckham put the cherry on the nincompoop parfait by refusing to acknowledge any culpability in the whole episode. Heck, he blamed the fans. Can you imagine?

“It’s other people that have to change,” he said. “It’s not about whether I can move on. I wasn’t the one booing.”

Seriously, David. You want to re-think that one?

Yo, No. 23, maybe you’ve heard that down here on Planet Earth, things ain’t going so hot. Times are a bit tough. Not Angela’s Ashes tough, where we’re turning old tire tubes into shoes, but not that far for some people. So, if fans go the Home Depot Center, paying real money for tickets and for $9 beer, they damn sure have a right to boo. As much as they want!

I have this sneaking little suspicion that his comments to the Associated Press on Thursday were the final straw for Garber.

In the bigger picture, you get the feeling that maybe MLS has lost that loving feeling for Becks. On this very same week, the powers that be in Major League Soccer elected not to include Beckham in next week’s All-Star game. Beckham has played in just one MLS match so far. Still, MLS could have attempted to justify Beckham’s inclusion through one of two “commissioner’s picks,” which are pure wildcards. Or someone could have leaned on Dominic Kinnear, who will manage the MLS All-Stars, to make Beckham one of his added picks.

The league even took a bit of heat on this one, as some members of the chattering class took some umbrage at the choice to keep Beckham outside the velvet ropes.

I say good on ‘em. Beckham doesn’t need to be there preening next week, further building his brand as AEG and his handlers strain to make the whole All-Star break about Beckham. Rather, he can stay back in Los Angeles in “time out.” Maybe he can meet with the accountants, hashing out what in the world he can trim from his life to come up with that $1.25.

People like soccer. In this country! Imagine that.

Queuing up at Qwest ... for soccer, of all things!

I tell people all the time that there are plenty of soccer fans in this country. It’s just that only a relatively small percentage like MLS. But since that’s the country’s most visible soccer property, it’s irresistibly convenient to use as a barometer.

See, all across this great land there are people who love them some Mexican soccer. Others go gaga for English Premier League. Those networks aren’t scrappin’ for the EPL TV rights for nothing. And we have scattered pockets of amore for Serie A, La Liga, Bundesliga, Campeonato Brasileiro, etc.

At World Cup time, TV ratings go all super-sized, adding more punch to my hunch that we really are a land of soccer lovers.

So when you assemble good events with name brand clubs and rosters stacked with quality players, people get in their little cars and drive on out, money in hand. Imagine that.

A crowd of 81,224 locked elbows inside the Rose Bowl for this week’s Chelsea-Inter Milan match. The Home Depot Center was full (27,000) two nights before that for the Galaxy-AC Milan (where David Beckham so unwisely chose to challenge the booing fans – about the worst ideas since sandpaper toilet paper. And a night prior to that, more than 65,000 packed Qwest Field for the Seattle Sounders-Chelsea friendly.

A crowd of 50,306 in the Georgia Dome watched Mexico City’s Club America upset AC Milan. (Did you see the first goal? Que Paso, Gooch? I’ve been worried that this move to AC Milan had more of a downside than people realize for big U.S. international Oguchi Onyewu. Damnit! Right again.)

And more than 82,000 green-shirted Mexican fans turned up in suburban Dallas for the Gold Cup quarterfinal featuring Mexico.

Chelsea’s match against AC Milan set for Friday at M&T Bank Stadium (capacity: 71,000) in Baltimore is already sold out. And you can expect more to come. I’d wager a Cristiano Ronaldo bobblehead that FedEx will be full for the D.C. United-Real Madrid friendly coming up in a couple of weeks.

Look at us! We’re a soccer nation, after all.

Breaking news: Every game in 2010 Open Cup to be played in D.C.!

U.S. Open Cup: fairness schmerness

OK, that headline isn’t true. Not exactly.

Only a significant portion of next year’s U.S. Open Cup matches are likely to be played in our nation’s capital.

Today’s topic is the Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup, a little humdinger of a tournament that I talk up whenever I get the chance.

All good domestic soccer fans know about the granddaddy of team tournaments in the United States, named for soccer lover, sports pioneer and general all-around sweetheart Lamar Hunt.

The Open Cup is like that little hamburger joint or dive bar that you and a few friends know about. You like sharing it with it outsiders because you feel worldly and vaguely, if only momentarily, superior. Tipping folks to really swell things is like sitting at the cool kid’s table in high school.

But, like that awesome little dive bar or burger joint, the tournament has its dirty little secrets. Allow me to be the Anthony Bourdain of soccer and pull back the curtain on a couple of them.

Foremost on my mind today is the Sept. 2 final, set to be held … wait for it … yup, at RFK Stadium just beyond the Stadium Armory stop on D.C.’s Metro.

If you’re getting that soap opera feeling – ya know, like you’ve seen this story before – you’re probably recalling last year’s final. That one was … wait for it … at RFK Stadium.

Anyone else spotting a trend?

In fact, D.C. United is playing its 10^th consecutive home match in the Open Cup. Ten! What, did they ban soccer teams from Dulles and Reagan National?

Last time United had to pack an overnight was back in 2007 during a third round match at possibly storied Hempfield High School in Landisville, Penn. How’d that work out United? Not so well. The Harrisburg City Islanders of domestic soccer’s third tier successfully ambushed the MLS Goliaths.

Well, look at the big brain on the United officials! They figured it out. Just outbid everybody for the right to host games and never lose again! Who cares if Ben Olsen is missing out on all those frequent flier miles?

U.S. Soccer is way behind the curve on this one. The Open Cup needs some modernization. This bidding process used to award home matches is a relic of another day and needs to be altered. Period. What’s wrong with the FA Cup method, where teams are drawn randomly, one home side and one visitor? Simple enough, eh?

I’m not opposed to the regional scheduling that U.S. Open Cup officials advocate. It saves everybody money, and that’s important. But the sites can still be randomly selected.

Ask the Rochester Rhinos how they feel about it after Tuesday’s semifinal, played in suburban Maryland just outside D.C.  Ask how they feel about seeing a player’s ankle broken without so much as a foul whistled on the D.C. United player.

Even if home cooking didn’t affect the referee’s actions in that particular sequence, in the bigger picture it’s safe to say that United would face drastically decreased odds of landing in a second consecutive final without the benefit of four home games. Need evidence?

This year, from the third round forward (when most of the MLS sides wade into the bracket), 9 of 14 home teams have prevailed. Last year the advantage was even more pronounced, with 13 of 15 homes teams advancing. The year before that, 11 of 15 home teams triumphed. So, no surprise here, home teams have a decided edge.

Besides, what makes this tournament special (and what provides any media juice that it manages to muster) is when the lightweights kick the heavyweights right square in the taint. Charleston gave D.C. United all it could handle in last year’s outstanding final. And the Battery had knocked out Dallas and Houston en route to the final at RFK.

How cool was it when an amateur team from Dallas, Roma FC, knocked out Chivas USA back in 2006 before falling to the Galaxy in the quarterfinals?

Every year, amateur sides, USL-1 or USL-2 sides beat the odds and the stretched MLS lineups to advance. And everybody loves when it happens.

This year, United gets the Seattle Sounders at their place. Seattle is an MLS side, of course, but an expansion outfit. So Sigi Schmid’s team must travel across country to play at United’s home ground. Yes, I know this year’s MLS final is in Seattle, but that’s different. MLS Cup sights are set well in advance because of all the peripheral hoo-ha that must be planned well in advance.

For the U.S. Open Cup, in the name of simple fairness, the suits at U.S. Soccer need to get this sorted out.

And while they are at it … $100,000 for the winners and $50,000 for the runner-up? That’s a serious case of squeezing the green off the dollar. In other words, it’s being cheap. If they want more MLS clubs to take the competition seriously and try harder to gin up fan interest, they’ll need to dig a little deeper into Sunil Gulati’s pockets and up the shares.
At that rate, after the club takes its share and the players divvy up the rest, they might have enough for a bulk package of Sockeye Salmon and a couple of iTunes gift cards at the nearby Costco, but that’s about it.

Well, they might also have a little left for a cheeseburger (one of my top 5 favorite burgers) at their favorite local dive.

Questions about soccer that make me bleed from the eyes

When soccer meets mainstream, bad things can sometimes happen

Lots of big things are going on in our little corner of the soccer world, and that is mostly a good thing. People are talking about the game, taking sides on issues and generally getting a little more glide in their soccer stride.

Yea, us!

Grant Wahl’s book has infiltrated the MSM (mainstream media) as the excellent SI writer wades through the media circuit mire, discussing his David Beckham-centric book.

Fancy-pants clubs such as Chelsea, Real Madrid, AC Milan, Club America and Liverpool are playing and training here, which further amplifies the level of passion from the diehards. The United States’ deep push into the Confederations Cup gave all the good soccer patriots reason to puff their chests.

So, take heart all ye 32-paneled fans. This is our time!

Alas, it does all comes with a bit of a dark side.

I know, I know. I can be a real buzz kill sometimes.

When the MSM finds time to stick a toxic toe into the clear blue soccer waters, something distasteful happens. It means another tired, beat-to-hell round of “What’s it gonna take for soccer to succeed in this country?” and “Has soccer finally arrived?” and their really mischievous cousin, “Haven’t we heard that soccer will be the sport of the future for 30 years now?”

That one, I particularly detest. If I hear it one more time, I seriously fear that it’s going to ignite my next dark period.

So, let’s just get a couple of things on the record.

This business of “Has soccer arrived?” and “What’s it gonna take … ” they represent the laziest of cliched, journalist default questions. Seriously, what do those questions mean?

I mean, has Thai food “arrived?” Has yoga “arrived?” Has Gabriel Garcia Marquez “arrived?”

See what I mean? It’s a silly question. Things are what they are.

Soccer? As a professional enterprise, it’s clearly not as popular in the United States in 2009 as football, baseball and basketball. It’s more popular than hockey (no matter what anybody wants you to believe.) As a participant sport, it’s widely accepted and unquestionably popular. And that’s it.  Why does everyone always want to explore where soccer will go? What’s with the obsession over where soccer will land on the pop culture continuum?

Save your obsession energy for something more relevant and interesting, like garden gnomes or Street Fighter IV or wiling away the hours reading implausibly witty soccer blogs.

Take the Thai food example. Chinese food was once de rigueur on our shores. It was the thing, ya know? Then more folks discovered Thai food while simultaneously reaching the conclusion that most “Chinese food” here was really just overly sauced, cheapo, fat-laden crap masquerading as the real thing. So, more and more Thai restaurants have been opening.

So how come no one from the Fourth Estate ever sticks a microphone or digital tape recorder in someone’s face and asks, “What’s it gonna take for Thai food to ever really make it in this country?”

If I say this to someone who writes for a daily newspaper or does radio for a living, I know exactly how they will respond – because I have good friends to do these things.

They’ll say, “Well, we haven’t had people forcing Thai food down our throats for 30 years, telling us it’s the ‘food of the future.’ ”

To which I’ll retort, “Honestly, man, when’s the last time anybody has really said that about soccer? And, seriously, who’s  forcing it down your throat?’ ”

Nobody in soccer will ever say such a thing.  Not the leaders, anyway.  I am absolutely positive that MLS commissioner Don Garber nor U.S. Soccer president Sunil Gulati would never say something so nitwitted.

“Sport of the future?” That crap went out with acid washed jeans and jelly shoes.

The real problem with all these wayward queries is the implication that soccer requires some kind of validation from the cool kids table.

Well, screw that. Most people I know who play the sport or watch it or just accept it and glance occasionally toward it like they glance at other sports, none of them spend a second worrying about where it ranks on the totem poll of American activities.

Soccer is doing fine. It will keep growing. Slowly. Incrementally.

Major League Soccer is holding its own at a time when other pro sports leagues are looking for change in the sofas, if you know what I mean. Folks with lots of money are still fighting each other to pay $40 million franchise fees in the MLS expansion sweepstakes. Major networks like ESPN are in high-level bidding wars for rights to EPL and other soccer properties. Stadiums are going up. College programs are doing well. The youth game is thriving.

So, everybody on the outside can stop worrying about it.

Just relax. Have a mojito. Go eat some Thai food.

But if you do, puh-leeze resist the urge to command the table’s attention and nudge the conversation by asking, “So, what does everybody think: when will Thai food really arrive?”

L.A. Galaxy fans take a pooh on Beckham!

Becks vs. Galaxy fans ... this is getting interesting

This Beckham thing just got a whole lot more interesting.

I mean, Beckham and his Galaxy teammates trading little verbal pokies like 12-year-old school girls … that’s not so  interesting to me.  (I mean, yes, I have to write about it. But that’s just biz, ya know? It’s tough on the streets for a workin’ man.)

Sunday night at the Home Depot Center, His Becksness really waded into the swamp of public discontent. And there’s gators in that swamp!

Things happened during the AC Milan-Galaxy friendly that say a lot about how Golden Balls is really seen among the soccer fans of sunny SoCal.

Fans got downright ornery toward the league’s highest-paid and highest-profile player.

Nasty signs were unfurled. Insults flew. Hand gesture were exchanged.  Clearly, folks aren’t impressed with the way he “better-dealed” the Galaxy, spiriting off to Milan, answering the siren call of the Rossoneri. (Anybody out there who’s ever been dumped, dropped like a bad habit by their girl / guy for someone better looking, with more money or more connections or whatever, they know the feeling.)

At one point, as Beckham invited a certain fan to come down and talk things over man to man, we were just chain-link fence away from a full MMA pay-per-view breaking out. Here’s the video. Enjoy.

But don’t take my word for it. Check out Mark Zeigler’s account in the San Diego Tribune. Mark is something of a muckraker in the soccer journo world, but his stuff is generally pretty spot-on.

Or, check out Grahame Jones’ picture painting from the LA Times. Grahame positions things a little more in the middle generally. (And despite being a few years older than me, that dude can sure hold his own in a German bier garten, as I learned a couple of years ago during World Cup 2006. That’s the picture just below. Cheers, Grahame! And, yes, you were right. That dark-haired German vixen definitely wanted you.)

But since I’m a man of the people, maybe I’ll just let the people speak tonight. This is from Ricardo, a member of the L.A. Riot Squad (a Galaxy supporters group). And my man Ricardo is obviously speaking from the heart. Dig, if you will, the picture he’s painting here, and let it all sink in, what this means for the whole Beckham wayward enterprise.

“the la riot squad was obviously booing him (deciding that this was an exihibition and an opportunity to vent the frustrations for what he and/or his 19 Entertainment did to our team …and his unwillingness to apologize for it) most of us don’t care about milan and/or his decision to want to go to the world cup: that is fine and honestly who wouldn’t do that? most of us understand that’s a good move for him…

but not for our team… and so LEAVE!  that’s really my thoughts… if you want to go: go…of course our protests are as much a message to AEG who probably has him “imprisoned” here for monetary reasons. it’s clear he’s not commited as he claims and he doesn’t want to be here… as a real galaxy fan, not the kind of fan who came out to watch milan and won’t return for a mid summer game against the wizards, I want players who want to be here.”

Well, said. From the heart. Bob freakin’ Woodward couldn’t have expressed it any better. (He might have gotten the punctuation right, but he wouldn’t have said it better.)

Bottom line: when public sentiment reaches critical mass, no amount of PR spinning or strategic synergy or any of that crap from overpaid, self-important handlers can bring it back to where Brand Beckham would like it to be.

This Beckham thing is making a long, hot summer a little more interesting.